25. Using Indeed.com and other job search websites.
Please stop listing Microsoft Word as a skill on every job.
24. When people give you advice on how you could do it better.
“You should try a temp agency. You know, [random stranger] got his first job from a temp agency.”
23. Copy and pasting your résumé into some online applications and the fancy formatting disappears.
But it was perfect!
22. Relatives and friends asking, “How’s it going?”
“How’s it going? Well, I haven’t told you about any job offers so I’d wager it’s going downright shitty.”
“Oh, you applied to that too, huh?” *awkward pause* “Did you get an interview?”
20. Creating application profiles.
Oh, look, there are 13 different pages!
Seriously, does anyone get jobs from LinkedIn? But you’re supposed to have one.
18. Not knowing the salary of a job you apply to.
I guess it’s cool that I don’t know if I’d be able to pay rent?
17. Having to list salary requirements.
Too low and you might not be able to buy groceries, too high and your application is ignored.
16. Automatic email replies.
“This response acknowledges that your resume has been received and will be reviewed. Due to the volume of responses received to [company name] postings, we hope you will understand that we cannot respond to each one individually. You will however be contacted by one of our recruiters if your background is a fit for a particular position, and your resume will be kept on file for consideration in future opportunities.” —Cool HR email
15. Answering survey questions for corporate minimum-wage jobs.
“While you are working, you overhear a pair of coworkers on break. The two are talking about another team member because she works too slowly. What would you be MOST likely to do?
A. Tell the coworkers not to complain about another team member
B. Suggest that the coworkers directly talk with the person who works too slowly
C. Keep working on my own tasks and say nothing to the coworkers
D. Suggest that the coworkers talk about their concerns with the supervisor
E. Tell the team member that others are talking about her and she should work faster”
—From a McDonald’s job survey.
14. Applications that need to be snail-mailed.
13. Courtesy interviews.
Your mom knows someone who knows someone, so they set this up to make you feel better. You won’t get it.
12. Realizing after you hit “submit” that you spelled something wrong or forgot to change the company name in the cover letter.
OH. MY. GOD.
11. When that job posting from two weeks ago has been filled, but it’s still online.
Maybe y’all should hire someone to update job postings?
10. Buying clothes for interviews you will never wear again.
“It’s an investment,” says no one who’s been on 15 interviews with no offers.
9. Did I mention those clothes are usually uncomfortable?
“Omg, yeah, I TOTALLY wear pumps and ties all the time. I LIVE in this stuff.”
8. Realizing you wore the wrong thing to the interview.
“Oh, you guys are business casual?” *looks at expensive new suit in shame*
7. Having an interview and not hearing back “by next week.”
Translation: “We REALLY hated you. Like so much we never want to talk to you ever again.”
6. Having to take a test, to qualify for an interview.
“We want to make sure you’re not a complete moron and we’re not sure we can trust ourselves to determine that in-person.”
5. “Entry-level” jobs that require one to three years of experience.
Well, that makes sense.
4. Needing a car or iPad or iPhone or other expensive object for the job.
Sure, let me go out and buy that thing that’s “essential” to work at this company.
3. Writing cover letters.
It just has to be unique for every single job. Please find multiple ways to explain your previous experience.
2. Sending applications into the internet void.
Maybe someone will read it in a galaxy far, far away.
WILL IT EVER END?